There’s a moment in midlife – sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, when a question begins to echo inside us:
Who am I now? And what am I here for?
It’s not just a fleeting thought. It’s a deep, insistent pull, like the tide tugging at the shore. You feel it in conversations with friends over coffee, in the silence of your morning walk, in those moments when life slows just enough for the big questions to slip in.
I’ve noticed it more and more – not just in my own life, but in the lives of the women I work with. They’re yearning for deeper conversations, truer connections, and a life that feels aligned, not just busy.
Midlife, for many, is a season of deep reflection. By now, you’ve likely weathered storms – loss, ill-health, divorce, redundancy, or even great success – and each of these life events leaves its mark. They stir the soul’s curiosity, whispering, What’s it all about?
This stage of life can feel like a fork in the road. One path leads to acceptance of “what is” and the comfortable familiarity of routine. The other? That’s the path of possibility. It requires courage to step into the unknown, to lean into uncertainty and trust that the universe, in all its mystery, has our back.
And yet, crisis often comes when we ignore these inner nudges and keep marching forward in the same old way, hoping the restlessness will pass.
Midlife as the Great Awakening
Recently, I revisited The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma, and one line struck me straight in the heart:
“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.”
It sounds simple, yet it’s radical. Because purpose doesn’t come from chasing every shiny opportunity. It comes from turning inward.
Carl Jung spoke of this when he described the Seven Tasks of Midlife. His view was that the first half of our lives is about building -careers, families, status -while the second half is about coming into right relationship with ourselves.
Here’s a closer look at those seven tasks, each like a stepping stone on the inner path:
- Facing the Shadow – The shadow is the part of us we’ve hidden away, convinced it was unlovable, “too much,” or “not enough.” Midlife invites us to face these parts without judgment, integrating them into our whole, authentic self.
- Reclaiming the Soul – This is about reconnecting with our deeper essence, the part of us that existed long before the roles, titles, and expectations.
- Maturation of Relationships – Relationships shift from the superficial to the soulful. We seek fewer but deeper connections, moving from blame to personal responsibility in how we relate to others.
- Finding Purpose and Meaning – Our work, whether paid or unpaid, starts to flow from contribution rather than ego. We might mentor, guide, or support others in ways that feel deeply aligned.
- Facing Mortality – We become aware, in a visceral way, that our time is finite. Instead of putting off the things we’ve always wanted to do, we start living them now.
- Letting Go of Roads Not Taken – Regret softens into acceptance. We understand that the past can’t be changed, but the present is still wide open.
- Releasing the Ego’s Control – We loosen our grip, surrendering the need to control life. What emerges is self-actualisation, meaning, and love.
The Armour We Outgrow
Brené Brown once wrote:
“All of this pretending and performing—these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself… has to go. Your armour is preventing you from growing into your gifts… Time is growing short… Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.”
Midlife is, in many ways, the unbuckling of that armour.
We built it in our youth to protect ourselves -to be accepted, to be safe. But now, it’s heavy. It keeps us from the very things we crave: connection, self-expression, joy.
The beautiful paradox is that when we lay down the armour, we don’t become weaker. We become more powerful, because we finally stand as our whole selves.
Rumi said it best:
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
The Stories We Carry
I’ve always believed in the transformative power of story. Not just the ones we share with others, but the ones we whisper to ourselves late at night.
Maya Angelou said: “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Maya Angelou
In midlife, we get the chance to rewrite those stories – not by erasing the past, but by reframing it, seeing how each chapter shaped us.
When we quieten down enough to listen – to really listen – the answers we’ve been searching for start to rise. They’re not always loud or dramatic. Sometimes they come as a gentle knowing, a sense of peace, a release of tension we didn’t even realise we were holding.
Self-acceptance and compassion are the keys. With them comes freedom. With them, we awaken our inner wisdom.
Navigating the Inner Landscape
The journey of introspection in midlife isn’t a weekend project. It’s a practice. Here are some ways to begin:
- Journaling – A daily practice of putting your thoughts on paper can reveal patterns, desires, and truths you didn’t know you were holding.
- Mindfulness – Simple moments of presence—walking barefoot on the grass, sipping tea without distraction—can ground you in what’s real and now.
- Self-care – Not the bubble-bath kind (though that’s nice), but the radical kind where you rest when you’re tired, say no when you mean it, and prioritise your own well-being.
- Coaching – Having a guide to walk alongside you can help you navigate the uncertainties, excavate your strengths, and illuminate your path.
My Own Midlife Turning Point
For me, this wasn’t an abstract concept, it was lived experience.
After 25 years in law, including 12 years as a coroner, I had seen life from its rawest edges. I had investigated thousands of deaths, and each one was a reminder: life is short, precious, and not to be lived on autopilot.
And yet, I found myself slipping into that autopilot. My days were full, but my soul felt… quiet. Not peaceful quiet, muted quiet.
The questions began to stir: Is this it? Is this what I’m here for?
At first, I tried to push them aside. I buried them under work, family responsibilities, and busyness. But the whispers grew louder until they became impossible to ignore.
So I chose the fork in the road. I walked away from a secure, respected career to follow the call to help women – women like me – reconnect with themselves, reclaim their energy, and light up their lives from the inside out.
It hasn’t always been comfortable. But it has been worth it. Because when you say yes to your own life, you begin to live with a clarity and vitality that no title, role, or external achievement can match.
Midlife is not the beginning of the end. It is the turning of the page.
You get to write the next chapter.
And the most extraordinary thing? You already have the pen in your hand.
by Jacqui Hawkins,
Empowerment Coach
Comments +